You intimidate me.
You scare me.
You frustrate me.
Negative emotions, yes, but for some reason, all three of them make me like you.
I find you to be...intriguing to say the least.
One major thing that I can point out is definitely your writing. It's so deep, so beautiful. I have to read everything you post multiple times just to make sure that I can grasp the meaning. The fact that you have such a gift with words intimidates me, and knowing that you read my blog scares me. I literally have to force myself to push the "publish post" button sometimes. I never know what you'll think, or how you react.
For that reason, I keep you as far outside my mental wall as I possibly can. Obviously that's a little difficult because I trust you so much. I feel this..connection to you, almost like you're a magnet or something. I have to watch myself, or else I'll spill all my secrets to you, some that even Sammi doesn't know. I don't trust people easily, so it's not hard to see why trusting you freaks me out. I trust Sammi above anyone else in this universe, but for some reason, I usually feel this weird urge to spill my guts to you.
I also don't want you to know how I truly feel about you, about Jacob, about anyone really.
It scares me.
Hell, YOU scare me.
You're such an honest person. I am too, but I tend to hold back, or not share all of my thoughts. I'm terrified of how you'd react if you knew half the things that crossed my mind, or half the memories I possess. As I mentioned, even Sammi doesn't know some of it.
The closer I find myself getting to you, the more I try to back pedal. Then you do something insanely cute (like going down the slide face first in the park) or something sweet (like the comment on my blog), and I feel myself slipping down the precarious slope I so carefully climbed.
The fact that you can get that kind of reaction out of me intimidates me because before Jacob, no guy could get me to even open up in a conversation.
You have a magnetic personality Taylor, and you intrigue me to the point of forgetting the boundaries I've established, the walls I've built. I don't know how to control that particular reaction, and that scares me.
You have this "tell it like it is" attitude as well, and it honestly makes me cringe sometimes. You don't sugar coat things. For the most part, I don't mind it. However, I don't like to ask your opinions on things, because I'm afraid of what you'll say. Ironically, I value your opinion above most others.
You're like a complex math problem...one that I can't seem to figure out.
Math intidmiates me.
It didn't take me very long to realize that while you're my best guy friend, I have a very hard time controlling my emotions around you. You're such a...well, you're just Taylor.
That's all I can say, mainly because I'm out of ways to describe/explain this...
The funny thing is..I don't try to be intimidating, scary, or frustrating. We think very alike which leads to a great urge to know what the other came up with.. like you said,we are intrigued by each other; since we are so alike we can be easily feel threaten by each other because it's almost a contest between us. There is more, but I do now fully understand "our" relationship and how we both feel and act the way we do with your lovely post here. I appreciate all of the gestures and kind words. Despite my semi-brutally honesty with things, I don't want that to discourage you from feeling safe around me.. I do it out of nature, but it's all well intended. Trust me.. you'd know if I Really was to go over the line, which rarely have I ever, you could see it a long way coming so you have plenty of warning to stop. Eventually I'll come back around. :P
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