The more time I have to sit and think, the more I wish that I didn't have time to sit and think. Memories keep circling through my head, all about the same person. I wish that they would just go away sometimes. Others..I cling to them like they're a lifeline. Emotions keeps getting tangled in the never ending circle of memories too. It's all very annoying to be honest. I suppose that I'm writing this to get all the memories out before I go insane.
Everytime I close my eyes, a different memory pops up, all about HIM.
I remember the first time we sat down and had a conversation. I swear, we talked for five hours, and had absolutely no boundaries. I remember how hot it was that day, and how ridiculous we were.
I remember how I started to notice the little things about him. I noticed the way his eyes would light up when he would laugh, the way he would smile at me, and how his laugh made me all giggly.
I remember how he used to wink at me, and the way stomach would do 360 turns.
I remember how right it felt the first time we kissed, and I remember how perfect the moment was.
I also remember being speechless, the only thought I had was "HOLY SHIT I JUST KISSED MY BEST FRIEND".
I'd been wanting to kiss him for days, and I remember how the kiss wasn't disappointing. It was a kiss that took my breath away. I can't remember a kiss that compared to that one with him...probably because there wasn't one. I remember feeling my emotions spiral out of control when it came to him, and I defnitely remember being terrified.
However, I don't remember a time when I was as happy as I was then.
I always felt this mixture of nerves and excitement when I'd see him. Each time he text me or called me, I couldn't help but smile. I remember how happy I'd be when I'd see him, I practically lit up like a light bulb.
I remember how natural it felt to hold his hand, and how good it felt to lay in his arms on the ground at Lake Pickthorn. I remember how hard I fell for him, and how easily he caught me.
I remember the first time we had sex...in Lake Pickthorn, and I remember telling Luna and listening to her freak out. I remember how good it felt, so different from the other guys I'd been with. It felt right..and I remember being very surprised. I remember how he was the first guy to make me orgasm, and I remember him saying that he was in love with me the next day.
I remember the feeling of pure bliss I felt when he first said "I love you".
I remember the way he'd hug me, like I meant something to him.
I remember how only he could read me, almost like I was part of who he was. I remember the connection we shared, and the way I felt.
For the first time in years I felt..understood, wanted, loved.
I remember how safe I felt when I'd sleep in his arms.
I remember the way he'd call me beautiful, almost as if he meant it.
I'll never forget what an affectionate and horny drunk he is, nor that we had sex in a hotel room with two of our friends asleep in the other bed.
I'm always gonna remember that he promised to love me forever, and that he would never let me go.
I'll never forget the last time we kissed...we'd just broken up and I couldn't really help it. He kissed me back, which kind of reassured me.
Then...my world crumbled.
AGAIN.
He kissed a close friend of mine, then told me via blog.
Needless to say, I was, once again, heartbroken.
I couldn't stop crying, it literally hurt to the point that I couldn't breathe anymore.
I couldn't (and still can't really) help but think that I did something wrong, I felt like I'd pushed him away somehow.
I honestly thought about not being his friend anymore after that, and I nearly wasn't. But I just couldn't do it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he meant more to me as a friend than as a boyfriend. If anything, I appreciate him more as a friend then I did before. I understand that feelings change, and so do relationships.
But..I am certain of ONE thing.
He is ALWAYS going to be my best friend, and as long as he's happy, then I can be too.
I'll be here for him through anything and everything,
Happiness is a gift to be shared, and I have to say, I have the best friend that I could ever ask for, and that makes me happy.
Life may not be perfect, but hey, I'm happy.
What more could I ask for? :)
Everytime I close my eyes, a different memory pops up, all about HIM.
I remember the first time we sat down and had a conversation. I swear, we talked for five hours, and had absolutely no boundaries. I remember how hot it was that day, and how ridiculous we were.
I remember how I started to notice the little things about him. I noticed the way his eyes would light up when he would laugh, the way he would smile at me, and how his laugh made me all giggly.
I remember how he used to wink at me, and the way stomach would do 360 turns.
I remember how right it felt the first time we kissed, and I remember how perfect the moment was.
I also remember being speechless, the only thought I had was "HOLY SHIT I JUST KISSED MY BEST FRIEND".
I'd been wanting to kiss him for days, and I remember how the kiss wasn't disappointing. It was a kiss that took my breath away. I can't remember a kiss that compared to that one with him...probably because there wasn't one. I remember feeling my emotions spiral out of control when it came to him, and I defnitely remember being terrified.
However, I don't remember a time when I was as happy as I was then.
I always felt this mixture of nerves and excitement when I'd see him. Each time he text me or called me, I couldn't help but smile. I remember how happy I'd be when I'd see him, I practically lit up like a light bulb.
I remember how natural it felt to hold his hand, and how good it felt to lay in his arms on the ground at Lake Pickthorn. I remember how hard I fell for him, and how easily he caught me.
I remember the first time we had sex...in Lake Pickthorn, and I remember telling Luna and listening to her freak out. I remember how good it felt, so different from the other guys I'd been with. It felt right..and I remember being very surprised. I remember how he was the first guy to make me orgasm, and I remember him saying that he was in love with me the next day.
I remember the feeling of pure bliss I felt when he first said "I love you".
I remember the way he'd hug me, like I meant something to him.
I remember how only he could read me, almost like I was part of who he was. I remember the connection we shared, and the way I felt.
For the first time in years I felt..understood, wanted, loved.
I remember how safe I felt when I'd sleep in his arms.
I remember the way he'd call me beautiful, almost as if he meant it.
I'll never forget what an affectionate and horny drunk he is, nor that we had sex in a hotel room with two of our friends asleep in the other bed.
I'm always gonna remember that he promised to love me forever, and that he would never let me go.
I'll never forget the last time we kissed...we'd just broken up and I couldn't really help it. He kissed me back, which kind of reassured me.
Then...my world crumbled.
AGAIN.
He kissed a close friend of mine, then told me via blog.
Needless to say, I was, once again, heartbroken.
I couldn't stop crying, it literally hurt to the point that I couldn't breathe anymore.
I couldn't (and still can't really) help but think that I did something wrong, I felt like I'd pushed him away somehow.
I honestly thought about not being his friend anymore after that, and I nearly wasn't. But I just couldn't do it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he meant more to me as a friend than as a boyfriend. If anything, I appreciate him more as a friend then I did before. I understand that feelings change, and so do relationships.
But..I am certain of ONE thing.
He is ALWAYS going to be my best friend, and as long as he's happy, then I can be too.
I'll be here for him through anything and everything,
Happiness is a gift to be shared, and I have to say, I have the best friend that I could ever ask for, and that makes me happy.
Life may not be perfect, but hey, I'm happy.
What more could I ask for? :)
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