I feel like I have one of the most complicated families in the world.
I've been dwelling on that lately, probably because I'm away at college and sort of miss my mother. I absolutely adore my adoptive mother, no matter how many fights we get into. She's is my mother, and I feel horrible for those few months that I wanted to move out and those two months that I actually lived with my biological mother. A little background: I was adopted my aunt and uncle when I was in the third grade, before that I lived with my grandparents and biological father. My biological father, I call him Turkey (I'll explain later), is a schizophrenic, so he was "unfit" to raise me on his own. My grandparents were my legal guardians, so I grew up absolutely spoiled. In the first grade, I went to live with my aunt and uncle, who later became my mom and dad. I had absolutely no idea who my biological mother was, I had no memories of her as a child. I don't even remember when I first met her, which I suppose is sad.
I have sixteen (yes 16) siblings: 9 sisters and 7 brothers. I guess I should explain that just a little bit...
My biological father remarried twice after divorcing my biological mother.
-Wife number one: Stacey. She already a daughter from a previous marriage named Lexi and she had a son with my father, and they named him Austin.
-Wife number two: Brenda. She had a daughter named Princess and son named Dre from a previous marriage. She and my dad had a son named Jamie. After they split up, she had another son (not with my father) named Kylian. He isn't an actually sibling, but he calls me sissy, so I claim him.
My biological mother remarried after she divorced my father.
-New husband: Pedro. They had three kids together: Pedro, Maria, and Julia. My biological stepfather had an affair, therefore producing a stepsister named Kareena. My brother Pedro has two best friends, John and Dustin, and they are my "adopted" brothers.
My adoptive father remarried after he and my adoptive mother split.
-New wife: Alysha. She had a daughter from a previous marriage, and her name is Cora.
My adoptive mother remarried after she and my dad split.
-New husband: Michael. He had a stepdaughter from his first marriage who treated me like her kid sister. Her name was Melanie, she passed away when I was in eighth grade. He also had two daughters from his first marriage, Malorie and Melissa.
I miss all of my siblings, I'll go ahead and admit that. I love them all with every fiber of my being. Unfortunately, I don't see most of them. When my Turkey (biological father) and Stacey divorced, she took Lexi and Austin and practically disappeared. I haven't seen them since I was about eight years old. I found a picture of me at age three, holding this little tiny baby. It's the first memory I have of any of my siblings, even though Pedro is older. I didn't even he existed until I was in fourth grade though. I didn't even meet Lexi until after Austin was born.
I know playing favorites isn't a nice thing to do, but I have a favorite sibling. I'll openly admit it, and he knows it. My baby brother Jamie is my favorite sibilng. He and I are so alike, it's actually scary. He's half black, and absolutely adorable. I would go to the ends of the earth and back for him. One day when I went to visit him, I found out that his mother was drunk, and that she was letting Prin and Dre smoke weed in the house. Needless to say, I was absolutely pissed, I don't want my thirteen year old brother around that. I talked to my biological father about it, and he told me that Jamie's rarely home anymore because he can't stand the smell of it. I suppose that's reassuring, but Jamie also lives in the ghetto of Jacksonville, about two blocks away from hardcore drug dealers. I want him out of there.
For a long time, I didn't know about Pedro, Kareena, Maria, or Julia. They were a taboo subject in the house, because they were my biological mother's children. I met Pedro on the school bus one day in August, I don't remember what grade I was in. He invited me to his birthday party, and I met Kareena, Maria, and Julia. I remember wanting to cry because until then, I had no idea that I had three other sisters. I moved out of my house in January 2011, and moved in with Patricia (my biological mother). I wanted to get to know her, find out why she hadn't wanted me way back when. I still don't know why...and looking back, moving out was a huge mistake. I missed sixteen years of Pedro's life, and John and Dustin's. I didn't want to miss Maria and Julia's as well. Now..it looks like I don't really have a choice. Ever since I moved back in with my mother, the woman who raised me, Patricia isn't exactly willing to let me back into her house. Especially since I stopped visiting after she and my brother told me that I needed to change my personality. It hurt to know that the people who were supposed to me love unconditionally didn't. I slowly began to realize that. I miss all six of my siblings, in fact, it hurts. I know that Pedro's birthday is in four days, and I also know that I won't be there for it. Not only because I'm away at school, but because I'm not exactly invited. I know that I'll miss Maria and Julia's too. I can't say I'm thrilled about that. I know that I'll miss Kareena's. That girl was named after me, and I'm not even going to be able to watch her grow up.
I guess God gave me a second chance at being an big sister though. Brenda's youngest, Kylian, is just three years old. He may not be a blood sibling, but I love that baby to death. I remember when he was just a tiny thing, he loved to me held. He calls me sissy, and I honestly think of him as my brother. I will do right by him, and I'll be around to watch him grow up. I plan on visiting them as soon as I'm able too.
I grew up in a loving environment, for the most part. My grandparents and biological father love me to death, and would do anything they possibly could for me. My mother would go to the ends of the earth and back for me. I can't really say I'm happy that it took me eighteen years to realize that, but I've finally grasped that concept. My adoptive father may not be as involved in my life as I would like, but I also understand that it's partially my choosing. When he and my mother divorced, he wasn't around as often, especially since he's military. My biological mother...she's something else. I don't know if she loves me or not. I don't know why she chose to walk away after a visitation and never come back. I don't know why she blames my family for her mistakes, and I don't know why she didn't take the oppurtunity to get to know me when she actually had one. My stepmother wasn't very active in my life in the beginning, but now she's trying, and I appreciate it. My stepfather loves me like I'm his own daughter, and sometimes I think of him as my dad.
But...there is one man above anyone else that has been a father figure to me for years. My godparents, Grant and Dawn Parker. Grant has been there for through EVERYTHING. He was the guy that I went to for permission for "dates" or just outings with friends. He was the man that would threaten the boys I liked. He is the one I rememer acting as a father for me throughout my life. I feel like I owe him more than anyone else, since I'm being honest. He's currently stationed in Japan, but my one of my godsisters is here in the states going to school, and I actually have a trip to Dallas planned. I hope to go to Japan as well, to see him and my godmother, as well as my three godbrothers and my other godsister.
I may have an extremely complex family, but I love them all, even the ones who don't love me. I've been dwelling on them a lot lately, more than I usually do. I want to fix all the frayed and broken relationships that I have going on right now. Maybe one day I can, but for now I'm going to concentrate on being the best that I can be, and be the big sister that I know I can be.
I've been dwelling on that lately, probably because I'm away at college and sort of miss my mother. I absolutely adore my adoptive mother, no matter how many fights we get into. She's is my mother, and I feel horrible for those few months that I wanted to move out and those two months that I actually lived with my biological mother. A little background: I was adopted my aunt and uncle when I was in the third grade, before that I lived with my grandparents and biological father. My biological father, I call him Turkey (I'll explain later), is a schizophrenic, so he was "unfit" to raise me on his own. My grandparents were my legal guardians, so I grew up absolutely spoiled. In the first grade, I went to live with my aunt and uncle, who later became my mom and dad. I had absolutely no idea who my biological mother was, I had no memories of her as a child. I don't even remember when I first met her, which I suppose is sad.
I have sixteen (yes 16) siblings: 9 sisters and 7 brothers. I guess I should explain that just a little bit...
My biological father remarried twice after divorcing my biological mother.
-Wife number one: Stacey. She already a daughter from a previous marriage named Lexi and she had a son with my father, and they named him Austin.
-Wife number two: Brenda. She had a daughter named Princess and son named Dre from a previous marriage. She and my dad had a son named Jamie. After they split up, she had another son (not with my father) named Kylian. He isn't an actually sibling, but he calls me sissy, so I claim him.
My biological mother remarried after she divorced my father.
-New husband: Pedro. They had three kids together: Pedro, Maria, and Julia. My biological stepfather had an affair, therefore producing a stepsister named Kareena. My brother Pedro has two best friends, John and Dustin, and they are my "adopted" brothers.
My adoptive father remarried after he and my adoptive mother split.
-New wife: Alysha. She had a daughter from a previous marriage, and her name is Cora.
My adoptive mother remarried after she and my dad split.
-New husband: Michael. He had a stepdaughter from his first marriage who treated me like her kid sister. Her name was Melanie, she passed away when I was in eighth grade. He also had two daughters from his first marriage, Malorie and Melissa.
I miss all of my siblings, I'll go ahead and admit that. I love them all with every fiber of my being. Unfortunately, I don't see most of them. When my Turkey (biological father) and Stacey divorced, she took Lexi and Austin and practically disappeared. I haven't seen them since I was about eight years old. I found a picture of me at age three, holding this little tiny baby. It's the first memory I have of any of my siblings, even though Pedro is older. I didn't even he existed until I was in fourth grade though. I didn't even meet Lexi until after Austin was born.
I know playing favorites isn't a nice thing to do, but I have a favorite sibling. I'll openly admit it, and he knows it. My baby brother Jamie is my favorite sibilng. He and I are so alike, it's actually scary. He's half black, and absolutely adorable. I would go to the ends of the earth and back for him. One day when I went to visit him, I found out that his mother was drunk, and that she was letting Prin and Dre smoke weed in the house. Needless to say, I was absolutely pissed, I don't want my thirteen year old brother around that. I talked to my biological father about it, and he told me that Jamie's rarely home anymore because he can't stand the smell of it. I suppose that's reassuring, but Jamie also lives in the ghetto of Jacksonville, about two blocks away from hardcore drug dealers. I want him out of there.
For a long time, I didn't know about Pedro, Kareena, Maria, or Julia. They were a taboo subject in the house, because they were my biological mother's children. I met Pedro on the school bus one day in August, I don't remember what grade I was in. He invited me to his birthday party, and I met Kareena, Maria, and Julia. I remember wanting to cry because until then, I had no idea that I had three other sisters. I moved out of my house in January 2011, and moved in with Patricia (my biological mother). I wanted to get to know her, find out why she hadn't wanted me way back when. I still don't know why...and looking back, moving out was a huge mistake. I missed sixteen years of Pedro's life, and John and Dustin's. I didn't want to miss Maria and Julia's as well. Now..it looks like I don't really have a choice. Ever since I moved back in with my mother, the woman who raised me, Patricia isn't exactly willing to let me back into her house. Especially since I stopped visiting after she and my brother told me that I needed to change my personality. It hurt to know that the people who were supposed to me love unconditionally didn't. I slowly began to realize that. I miss all six of my siblings, in fact, it hurts. I know that Pedro's birthday is in four days, and I also know that I won't be there for it. Not only because I'm away at school, but because I'm not exactly invited. I know that I'll miss Maria and Julia's too. I can't say I'm thrilled about that. I know that I'll miss Kareena's. That girl was named after me, and I'm not even going to be able to watch her grow up.
I guess God gave me a second chance at being an big sister though. Brenda's youngest, Kylian, is just three years old. He may not be a blood sibling, but I love that baby to death. I remember when he was just a tiny thing, he loved to me held. He calls me sissy, and I honestly think of him as my brother. I will do right by him, and I'll be around to watch him grow up. I plan on visiting them as soon as I'm able too.
I grew up in a loving environment, for the most part. My grandparents and biological father love me to death, and would do anything they possibly could for me. My mother would go to the ends of the earth and back for me. I can't really say I'm happy that it took me eighteen years to realize that, but I've finally grasped that concept. My adoptive father may not be as involved in my life as I would like, but I also understand that it's partially my choosing. When he and my mother divorced, he wasn't around as often, especially since he's military. My biological mother...she's something else. I don't know if she loves me or not. I don't know why she chose to walk away after a visitation and never come back. I don't know why she blames my family for her mistakes, and I don't know why she didn't take the oppurtunity to get to know me when she actually had one. My stepmother wasn't very active in my life in the beginning, but now she's trying, and I appreciate it. My stepfather loves me like I'm his own daughter, and sometimes I think of him as my dad.
But...there is one man above anyone else that has been a father figure to me for years. My godparents, Grant and Dawn Parker. Grant has been there for through EVERYTHING. He was the guy that I went to for permission for "dates" or just outings with friends. He was the man that would threaten the boys I liked. He is the one I rememer acting as a father for me throughout my life. I feel like I owe him more than anyone else, since I'm being honest. He's currently stationed in Japan, but my one of my godsisters is here in the states going to school, and I actually have a trip to Dallas planned. I hope to go to Japan as well, to see him and my godmother, as well as my three godbrothers and my other godsister.
I may have an extremely complex family, but I love them all, even the ones who don't love me. I've been dwelling on them a lot lately, more than I usually do. I want to fix all the frayed and broken relationships that I have going on right now. Maybe one day I can, but for now I'm going to concentrate on being the best that I can be, and be the big sister that I know I can be.
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