I guess I'll begin by saying that I was molested my sophomore year of high school, by a boy that I'd known since we were 7 years old. Since that fateful day in May 2009, I have felt like I'm living in a constant nightmare. I'd see him every day at school, and at all the band functions. I can honestly say that I've never been the same carefree girl I was before then, probably because I wouldn't let myself trust many people. Even the boys I'd known since my toddler days were now pushed away, simply because I wouldn't let myself get emotionally close to anyone. Now, as a recent high school graduate, I haven't really changed. I'm still living in a nightmare, regardless of the fact that we've graduated, and I should never have to see him again.
I was on my way to work one morning, and noticed a very familiar (and ugly) truck behind my car. I recognized it instantly, how could I not? Every single detail involving this guy were permanently imprinted upon my brain, mainly so I could avoid him. Now, over two years after the molestation incident, I will still have panic attacks if I see him, or his truck. Driving down the road in the rain freaking out is not good, especially since I don't like driving in the rain. So, I called my best friend, we'll call him my knight in shining armor, and talked to him. He was over 45 minutes away, so he couldn't meet me at work, but just knowing that he was on the other end of the line helped calm me down.
That night, while I was staying at a friend's house, my old nightmares about the guy came back. These are the nightmares that will cause me to wake up screaming, the ones that make me cry every time. The dream very rarely changes, it generally follows the same pattern. Kidnapping, rape, and just brutal treatment all around. But tonight, something was different. My knight was in the dream, running to rescue me. Unfortunately, he was too late. It's been like that every single night for five days now. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know that when I do, I'll have that nightmare, the same one, over and over. I know that I'll wake up screaming and crying because my knight in shining armor can never make it on time.
Every day for two years now, I've been praying for this nightmare to end, and maybe one day it will. I still see him, at least once a week, he has this odd habit of showing up wherever I am, and I hate it. It helps to know that in real life, my knight will do anything he can to protect me, even from the unseen terrors of the night. I know that one day this horrible living nightmare of mine will end, but until then, I guess I'll settle in for the ride, and keep hoping that one day my knight in shining armor will come to rescue me.
I was on my way to work one morning, and noticed a very familiar (and ugly) truck behind my car. I recognized it instantly, how could I not? Every single detail involving this guy were permanently imprinted upon my brain, mainly so I could avoid him. Now, over two years after the molestation incident, I will still have panic attacks if I see him, or his truck. Driving down the road in the rain freaking out is not good, especially since I don't like driving in the rain. So, I called my best friend, we'll call him my knight in shining armor, and talked to him. He was over 45 minutes away, so he couldn't meet me at work, but just knowing that he was on the other end of the line helped calm me down.
That night, while I was staying at a friend's house, my old nightmares about the guy came back. These are the nightmares that will cause me to wake up screaming, the ones that make me cry every time. The dream very rarely changes, it generally follows the same pattern. Kidnapping, rape, and just brutal treatment all around. But tonight, something was different. My knight was in the dream, running to rescue me. Unfortunately, he was too late. It's been like that every single night for five days now. I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know that when I do, I'll have that nightmare, the same one, over and over. I know that I'll wake up screaming and crying because my knight in shining armor can never make it on time.
Every day for two years now, I've been praying for this nightmare to end, and maybe one day it will. I still see him, at least once a week, he has this odd habit of showing up wherever I am, and I hate it. It helps to know that in real life, my knight will do anything he can to protect me, even from the unseen terrors of the night. I know that one day this horrible living nightmare of mine will end, but until then, I guess I'll settle in for the ride, and keep hoping that one day my knight in shining armor will come to rescue me.
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